ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
