Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
