3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
