Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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