dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
