Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
