My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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