i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
