I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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