dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
