I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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