Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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