my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
