Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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