yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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