If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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