just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
