We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
