im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
