dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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