don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
