What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
