what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
