Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
