Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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