Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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