clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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