After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
