Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
