Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
