I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
