Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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