R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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