Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
