if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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