shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
