I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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