You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
