Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
