If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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