I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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