i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
