Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
"it" just moved
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
