i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
