I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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