when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
