My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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