whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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