I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
