peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
