So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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