I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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