idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
