Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
