I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
